How to deal with jealousy

(How to overcome Jealousy continued - See previous page)

Assess Your Fear

Now that you have admitted you are jealous and that your jealousy is a problem in your relationship, and now that you understand that jealousy is basically fear, you have to ask yourself whether your fear is realistic.

If you are in a relationship with a person who is still seeing other people and you are constantly jealous, you have some decisions to make. Believe it or not, many people are not bothered when their partners flirt or have friends outside the relationship. If you are in a nonexclusive relationship and are not handling your jealousy well, you can decide to work on your jealousy, end the relationship, or ask your partner for a commitment.

If you are in an exclusive relationship and you are constantly jealous even though you know your fears are irrational, then you have some work to do on yourself. Even if you decide to end the relationship, at some point you will have to face your fears and deal with them.

Click here to download jealousy hypnosis MP3!

Take Care of You

When you are experiencing jealous feelings, you are completely focused on the other person. Yet the only way to stop jealous (fearful) feelings is to turn your attention around completely and focus on yourself in a caring way.

Are you afraid you will lose the other person? The paradox of relationships is that the best way to keep another person around is to know deep down that you can be just fine alone. Focusing on what you don’t want all the time (for example, to lose the other person) actually makes that thing happen.

It isn’t easy to change your thinking so radically. It takes practice. But there are a number of tricks you can use:

• Thought replacement is exactly what it sounds like. When you find yourself having a jealous thought, replace it with a confident one immediately. So if you think, “She’s probably out with some other guy,” replace that with, “She really loves me. She’ll be back shortly.”
• Do something for you. When you find yourself in a jealous knot, do something you really like and do it without the other person. It helps if it is something your partner normally wouldn’t want to do anyway. Play a video game, talk on the phone to an old friend, go jogging, anything that demonstrates that you are capable of fun and pleasure all by yourself.
• Get physical. Fear is energy, and energy can be dissipated through exercise. Go for a jog, take a walk, get on the treadmill, pump some iron, move your body until you stop obsessing about it. When you exercise your body releases endorphins into your bloodstream. Endorphins are natural tranquilizers that create feelings of calm and wellbeing.

Click here to download jealousy hypnosis MP3!

Get Help If You Need It

Most people are ashamed of their jealousy, but sometimes a therapist or counselor can cut through jealousy a lot faster than you will be able to if you try and go it alone.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a very effective, short term form of counseling that focuses on ‘reframing’ the way you see your relationship and yourself so that the fearful, jealous feelings never come up in the first place.

Life can be rough. Many people who struggle with jealousy have experienced a deep hurt or painful loss early in life, or sometimes they have just been through a really bad relationship, and that early bad experience unfortunately sets the tone for every relationship that comes after it.

Therapy can help you put things in proper perspective, help you define your goals, and help you learn new behaviors and new ways of looking at relationships. The days when psychotherapy was mostly for rich people who could go for years are long gone. Most mental health professionals today set short-term, specific goals and are able to create a reasonable timeline for progress and an affordable payment system.

Fears and phobias (and jealousy is a common one) respond very well and very quickly to cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy, and even self-hypnosis.

You can conquer jealousy and have the secure, grounded relationship you always wanted. Deciding to take that first step is half the battle.

The rest is a lot easier than you think.

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