How to Overcome Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the least attractive qualities a human being can possess. Ironically, jealousy is most likely to become a problem in relationships that are positive and happy.

Often one person in the relationship becomes obsessed with the fear that the good feelings won’t last and the other person will drift away and ‘fall’ for someone else. This can happen even when absolutely no evidence exists to support such a fear.

Jealousy is actually a type of phobia: Fear of losing the other person. Phobias are irrational fears. An irrational fear feels like it comes out of nowhere, and once a person has experienced an irrational fear once, the fear of experiencing it again becomes a problem in its own right. Soon, the fear takes over completely.

Jealous people often try to structure their lives so as to avoid feeling jealous again. Unfortunately, this tactic usually involves trying to control the activities and the behavior of the other person. Attempts at control create stress within the relationship, and stress within the relationship brings back the jealous feelings.

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So, in other words, attempts by the jealous person to arrange life so as to avoid feeling jealous actually create the very conditions under which jealousy flourishes.

What can a jealous person do then to overcome jealousy?

Admit You Have a Problem

If you already know that you have a problem with jealousy, you are way ahead of the game. Most jealous people are in deep denial about their problem and tend to blame their jealousy on the other person.

“She made me feel jealous,” or “I’m jealous because he went to the store without telling me,” or “If she wasn’t such a flirt then I wouldn’t be jealous,” are all common excuses meant to place the blame for jealous feelings on the person perceived to be causing them instead of on the person having them.

It’s true that not everybody behaves considerately all the time; not even people you love. However, the first step toward overcoming jealousy is admitting that you feel it and the feeling is yours, not your partner’s.

Your partner may be a flirt, but you are the one feeling jealous.

Jealousy is your feeling and your problem even when what triggered the jealousy is justified. You can’t even begin to deal with your feelings if you can’t bring yourself to admit you are having them. Once you admit (to yourself) that you are feeling jealous, it’s time to examine what that really means.

Click here to download jealousy hypnosis MP3!

Understand Your Jealousy

Jealousy is fear.

When you are feeling jealous, your first response may be anger. But if you scratch that anger and look beneath it, you will find a well of fear: fear that you will lose the other, fear that you will look foolish, fear that you are being deceived.

Fear is your body’s way of protecting you from harm, but the trouble is, your body can’t always distinguish legitimate fear from dysfunctional fear. A legitimate fear is when you see something dangerous and you act to protect yourself, thus taking yourself out of harm’s way.

If you are walking down a dark street at night, and you see someone with a gun, and that scares you so you duck into a store and call the police, you experienced a legitimate fear (of being shot or robbed) and took action to protect yourself.

But imagine that later you are walking down that same street, and because of that time when you saw a guy with a gun, you now duck into a store and call the police every time you see anybody. It could be a little old lady or a Yorkshire terrier or a cab driver. Doesn’t matter. You’re on the phone instantly.

The first fear was a legitimate fear. The second fear is dysfunctional.

Dysfunctional fears are called phobias. They can spiral out of control fairly quickly once they take hold. Soon you become afraid of being afraid. Once you get to that point, fear is ruling your life.

You can take your life back, however.

In fact, you are the only person who can take it back.

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